fourteen and a dream

I had my first baby dream and it was horrible. I dreamt that Neil was still gone and the baby came early. Before ALL my baby showers, before I was ready, before we had things. But there were no complications which was good. The baby was sized full term but was born in February and not May. I got the baby home and completely freaked out. No one was there to help, I didn't have much in the way of supplies, except my boobs. Pretty much what I already have is what I had. So, 4 diapers, some blankets, a crib, a dresser and some baby legs. That's not going to get you very far. I did however see the baby was taken out of the hospital with a blue diaper on. Which doesn't' help me out in my wanting a girl. I wont be too sad if our little one is a boy, I just be a little sad. Ive been a little depressed. Im worried about the baby. Nervous and excited for my appointment tomorrow. Hoping for good things. If all is well tomorrow in a few weeks we should know if Baby Embry is in fact a she or a he. My friend Leslie is going to be the one to spill the beans and i'm super excited about it. This morning I took another belly shot, Ive felt.. very much like not wanting to take photos of myself recently. I feel like if I would have take a photo a month ago I might be bigger than I am now, which still isn't that big but I have grown a little bit. No bump yet though. No cravings. No high belly or low belly. I dont want any food. It doesnt matter if its sweet or salty... well I think id be good with some potato chips and some powdered doughnuts but im trying to stay away from bad things so N O T H I N G sounds good. agh!

dude, look at how long my hair got in 7 weeks!! CRAZY